I worked 6 jobs to put him through seminary
- Jan 15
- 5 min read
I’m no slacker.
And no, seminary isn’t "free".
Am I really flaky? A crappy employee? Nope. I was just a seminary wife.
When my husband was studying at seminary (pastor school) post-college, I held a shiny new teaching degree and went hunting for my first full-time job.
But here’s the thing: the standard seminary route has one of the most fragmented schooling schedules I’ve ever heard of, and no one wants to hire those of us along for the ride.
It looks like this:
2 years on campus, 1 year to lands unknown for vicarage (internship), and 1 final school year (a mere 9 months) back on campus before graduation.
Dear reader, finding full-time jobs that can sustain loan payments, daily needs, rent, stupidly expensive pastor textbooks, and are okay with knowing you’ll only be there a year, two, or just 9 months, is a daunting task. I get it. No one wants an employee with such a short expiration date. By the time you’re trained and get your feet under you, you’re moving again. I wouldn't hire me if I were them.
My husband was working, too. He snapped up a high-paying, but very physically taxing, job at a machine shop with the few hours he had off from school. But it wasn’t enough to pay the rent by any means.
So I got started.
Year 1-2 (on campus)
Temporary part-time preschool job as an aide at the start of a school year while job hunting
Full-time job as an infant nanny until she turned one
Remote social media coordinator for a camp simultaneously with jobs 1 & 2
Full-time barista at a coffee shop
Year 3 (vicarage)
Specialty teaching role (part-time only)
Year 4 (back on campus)
Preschool teacher (at a different school than during year 1)
Some seminary wives find much more stable employment, but I think many of us share relatively similar stories. We put our lives completely and utterly on hold to financially support our husbands’ schooling, often during the very first four years of marriage, when the marriage is so new and very fragile. We're told repeatedly that men are to be the head of the household and should be the providers, but that's flipped on its head for the first four years of many seminary marriages.
The husbands rely on their wives to provide, but the seminary schedule makes providing oh so difficult for us to do. But do the powers that be care about that?
Of course not.
I've heard many explanations for the reasoning behind the 2/1/1 year breakup of the seminary route, but it mostly boils down to tradition and no real perceived reason to go to the effort of changing ancient rules and bylaws. Some pastoral students can wiggle around this schedule and go for an alternate route due to extreme circumstances, but less and less of these exceptions are being granted. But for the most part, the schedule remains bonkers and the wives do the heavy-lifting.
Tensions run high, and resentment builds if left unchecked.
And boy, does it often go left unchecked.
While my husband and I were doing our monthly I-kind-of-hate-that-you're-a-pastor check in/vent session yesterday, I wished aloud that we had gone through actual marriage counseling sessions during seminary to work through the pastor's family practical issues before they started. You know, to talk through the public nature of the job in its entirety, to discuss the action steps following the reception of a new call, etc. In our fourth year of seminary, we sat through the painfully awkward experience of a second year sem student attempting to counsel us as part of his required coursework (you know the type-the ones that make you want to say oh honey and hold their hand before they even start talking).
Needless to say, that "counseling" wasn't particularly effective. But maybe there would be something of merit in doing some real counseling during seminary.
"But if we had done counseling and hashed out these topics ahead of time, if I had known ahead of time that there were fundamental facets of this job that clash with what you need and desire from life, would you have been as gung-ho about me pursuing this career?" My husband asked.
"Probably not." I replied honestly.
We gave each other a look that spoke volumes of theories about why seminaries trying to fill the pastor shortage wouldn't want wives getting too many ideas about the struggles of this lifestyle.
Seminary wives, I see you. I'm not going to give you platitudes because I know you're already counting down the days (whether in excitement or dread) to the next move. I know you've already taken the Unpacking the Boxes wives' class and are being fed a daily diet of platitudes from the men and women of the seminary. But hear this: you're doing something incredible in these years, not just holding on until Call Day.
In working those 6 jobs, you're supporting future churches that don't even know your husband's name yet. In bouncing around, you're gaining resilience that most people don't glean for decades. In working in a multitude of work atmospheres and roles, you're creating a more well-rounded and marketable you for the future. Don't let employers convince you that this path is a downside; make them see how your flexibility, drive, and ability to learn quickly are assets they won't find anywhere else.
On the other hand, if you're not a seminary wife, welcome. I'm glad you're here and seeing life through the eyes of your pastor's wife. Wondering how you can help? Look up your local seminary and donate your time, talents, finances, and material goods to the food/clothing banks on campus. It means more than I can say to get some pantry staples for free and a suit for $20. Not in Fort Wayne or St. Louis? Donate financially and let the on-campus volunteers do some shopping for you. Oh, and try to convince some higher-ups to reorganize the schooling schedule for these poor guys.
Concordia Theological Seminary-Fort Wayne:
Concordia Seminary-St. Louis
I'd love to hear the strangest jobs you've worked during seminary! Drop a comment below!
I'll start: I was a barista at Kaldi's Coffee in St. Louis (yes, like the one down the hill from CSL). I got nationally certified as a barista (who knew that was a thing?) and could even make a latte art turkey for Thanksgiving by the time I left. We had dance breaks every afternoon and got free cinnamon chip scones every day. In hindsight, it was pretty awesome.
This time is not wasted: this time is God's, and He doesn't waste His time.
Love,
The Pastor's Wife
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